How To: Address Discomforts To Your Partner

Being in a relationship can provide mutual love and support; however, no relationship is free from arguments. Even the most Instagram-able relationships argue, and that is okay. It is a part of being in a relationship. 

In my experience, most fights begin with undisclosed discomforts. An example of this would sound like, “I always post that we are together, but they don’t.” You carry this thought in the back of your head until you can not take it anymore, and it blows up into an argument. You figure that not disclosing it in the first place will save your relationship from a fight; however, the complete opposite happens. In this specific example, some people do not regularly post their daily life on social media; hence, they do not think, “I should post this,” as most of us do. Therefore, you have to vocalize to them that it'd be nice to be posted once in a while. 

Vocalizing can be tricky and sometimes uncomfortable, as you may need to lay your pride aside. Here are some tips on how to vocalize your discomfort respectfully:

*Although I am applying this to romantic relationships, they are helpful tips for platonic relationships as well!

1. Keep in mind your goal. You want to address something that has been bothering you without blaming or attacking your significant other. 

2. Practice what you want to address. Apply the golden rule, talk to them like you would like to be talked to…

3. ...Do not throw in offensive words to make it “playful.” It may come across as a joke to them, or it might be taken negatively.

4. Avoid making pointed remarks such as “YOU made me feel sad.” 

5. Express your feelings and what you would like your partner to do in response.

 ex: I would like it if you could post more about our relationship in the future. 

       (in a tone that sounds genuine and not as a command)

Remember to sincerely listen to them. Do not formulate an argument while they are speaking. You have done your part; if they choose to ignore the way you feel or refuse to accept your feelings, a different conversation might be needed. 

💛 At Zillennial Intimacy, we offer sex therapy and intimacy coaching to help individuals and couples rebuild trust, communication, and desire in a safe, affirming space. Click here to learn more or book a session. You don’t have to navigate this alone—support is here when you’re ready.

by @zillennialbyjimena

@zillennial.intimacy