Lately, setting boundaries has been a buzzword floating around social media on discussions related to relationships and self care. I think it’s gained so much traction because people are realizing that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, understanding, and autonomy. We now recognize that boundaries aren’t creating distance—they’re ensuring everyone feels valued, which ultimately strengthens relationships.
Boundaries are the limits we set in relationships to define what is acceptable, both from ourselves and our partner. They help clarify what makes us feel safe, respected, and valued. Boundaries serve as a guide for our healthy interactions and aim for mutual respect in all relationships.
Boundaries significant in relationships because they help us understand and navigate how we interact with our partner. While I talk about attachment styles and how they impact our relationships in my book “Different Me, Different Us: the readable part of couples therapy” (by Maddie Hundley, MMFT), boundaries play a similar role in defining our emotional safety. Knowing where to set limits ensures everyone feels secure, respected, and connected.
Signs that someone needs to set boundaries might include feeling overwhelmed, taken for granted, or like there’s no personal space. If you notice that one partner is consistently overstepping or disregarding your needs, that’s often a sign it’s time to discuss boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries involves two key steps: first, you need to establish the boundary, and then you need to practice holding that boundary. And if you’re like me, holding boundaries can be difficult without practice, especially if you’re used to prioritizing others’ needs. But the key to maintaining healthy boundaries is consistency and being able to uphold them even when it feels hard.
Healthy boundaries involve setting clear expectations with your partner and being ready to hold them, even when it’s challenging. For example, needing time alone after a busy day or agreeing to consult each other on big decisions are examples of healthy boundaries. It’s also important to be prepared to stand by your boundaries when necessary.
An example of an unhealthy boundary could be restricting your partner from watching sexy videos online. Sexuality is personal, and boundaries are not about controlling someone else’s behavior but about defining how you will respond when your boundary is crossed. Healthy boundaries focus on your actions, not trying to dictate the behavior of others. Ultimately, we get to decide what we allow and have agency in shaping our perspective on how to handle boundary breaches.
If you feel overwhelmed, taken for granted, or like there’s no personal space. If you notice that your partner is consistently overstepping or disregarding your needs, that’s often a sign it’s time to discuss boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries involves two steps: first, you need to establish the boundary, and the hard part, then you need to practice holding that boundary. And if you’re like me, holding boundaries can be difficult without practice, especially if you’re used to prioritizing others’ needs. But the key to maintaining healthy boundaries is consistency and being able to uphold them even when it feels hard.
Healthy boundaries are when you set clear expectations with your partner and are ready to hold them, even when it’s challenging. For example, needing time alone after a busy day or agreeing to consult each other on big decisions are examples of healthy boundaries. It’s also important to be prepared to stand by your boundaries when they are pushed.
An example of an unhealthy boundary could be restricting your partner from watching sexy videos online. Sexuality is personal, and boundaries are not about controlling someone else’s behavior but about defining how you will respond when your boundary is crossed. Healthy boundaries focus on our actions, not trying to dictate the behavior of others around us. Ultimately, we get to decide what we allow and have agency in shaping our perspective on how to handle when your boundaries are crosses.
By Maddie Hundley, LMFT
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