Masturbation is a natural part of human sexuality, yet it’s often shrouded in myths, cultural stigma, and personal shame. As a marriage and family therapist and intimacy coach, I’ve had countless conversations about self-pleasure—its benefits, its challenges, and the societal narratives that make it such a taboo topic. Whether you see masturbation as an empowering form of self-care or feel weighed down by guilt or shame, it’s worth exploring how it impacts your mental, emotional, and sexual health.
Let’s dig into the psychological effects of masturbation, how to develop a healthy relationship with it, and strategies for navigating societal or cultural beliefs.
The Good and the Complicated: Psychological Effects of Masturbation
Masturbation can be a powerful form of self-care. For many, it’s a way to relax, de-stress, and connect with their body. Biologically, it promotes the release of dopamine and oxytocin—hormones that create feelings of pleasure and relaxation. It can also foster greater body awareness, which is essential for building sexual confidence and communication in relationships.
But for some, masturbation can bring up feelings of guilt or shame, especially if they’ve grown up in religious or cultural environments that frame it as “wrong” or “impure.” These feelings don’t disappear overnight, but they can be unpacked with education, self-reflection, and, if needed, the guidance of a therapist.
How to Cultivate a Healthy Relationship with Masturbation
Developing a healthy relationship with self-pleasure means first recognizing it as a natural and valid part of human sexuality. Masturbation isn’t “good” or “bad”—it’s simply about what feels right for you. If you’ve internalized guilt or shame, working with a therapist or certified sex coach can help you challenge those beliefs and create a more accepting view of your sexual self.
For those looking to enhance the experience, tools like lubricants, toys, or simply setting the mood with music or candles can make self-pleasure more enjoyable. The key is to focus on what makes you feel good while staying true to your comfort zone.
When Masturbation Becomes Problematic
Masturbation generally enhances well-being, but there are times when it can become overwhelming. I don’t use terms like “addiction” because they’re too narrow and often stigmatizing. Instead, I encourage people to reflect on how their behavior fits into their daily life.
If self-pleasure starts interfering with relationships, work, or other responsibilities, or if it becomes a primary way to cope with emotions, it may be time to seek support. Therapy can help identify underlying issues and offer healthier ways to manage stress or emotional challenges.
Masturbation’s Role in Sexual Health and Relationships
Masturbation is an essential part of understanding your own body and sexual preferences. It builds confidence, reduces tension, and can even enhance communication in intimate relationships by helping you articulate your desires.
In my book, Different Me, Different Us: The Readable Part of Couples Therapy, I talk about the importance of emotional safety and self-awareness in intimacy. Masturbation isn’t just about pleasure; it’s a way to explore what makes you feel good and, in turn, share that knowledge with your partner. Whether you’re in a relationship or exploring self-pleasure solo, the more you know about your body, the more empowered you’ll feel in all aspects of your sexual health.
Navigating Cultural and Religious Beliefs About Masturbation
If you’ve been raised in a culture or religion that views masturbation negatively, it’s normal to feel conflicted. Many of my clients have struggled with shame rooted in teachings that depict self-pleasure as sinful or harmful.
The first step in navigating these beliefs is to educate yourself about human sexuality and recognize the outdated nature of these stigmas. Masturbation is not only natural but also beneficial for mental and physical health. Therapy can provide a safe space to unpack those internalized messages and replace them with a more compassionate and affirming perspective.
Reclaiming Your Sexuality
Masturbation is a personal and natural part of life. It’s not about how often or how much—it’s about what feels right for you. Whether you identify as someone who fully embraces self-pleasure or are working through feelings of guilt or shame, remember that your preferences and boundaries are valid.
At Zillennial Intimacy (https://zillennialintimacy.coach), we support individuals and couples in exploring their sexuality without judgment. We offer sex therapy and intimacy coaching in California—and soon in Texas. If you live outside these states, you can access virtual coaching from anywhere in the world.
Self-pleasure is about more than physical gratification—it’s about connecting with yourself, understanding your needs, and building a foundation for fulfilling intimacy. Let’s work together to help you embrace this part of
your life with confidence and joy.
By Maddie Hundley, LMFT
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