Valentine’s Day has always been wrapped up in myth, romance, and an almost absurd amount of candy hearts. But let’s step back for a moment, who was St. Valentine really? And more importantly, why should queer folks claim him as one of our own?
Saint, Rebel, Possible Queer Icon?
History is fuzzy on the details, but the story goes that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman priest who performed secret marriages for soldiers despite Emperor Claudius II banning them. Some versions of the story say he was imprisoned for defying the empire’s restrictions on love and eventually executed for it. But here’s where things get interesting:
Some historical interpretations suggest that Valentine wasn’t just marrying straight couples. There’s speculation he may have officiated same-sex unions in secret. Before Christianity took over, Rome was a place where same-sex
relationships and gender fluidity were part of everyday life. But as the church
gained influence, it rewrote the rules, stamping out what had once been accepted and punishing those who didn’t conform. Maybe Valentine, in his quiet rebellion against restrictive laws on love, wasn’t just pushing back against marriage bans—maybe he was resisting that erasure too.
Valentine was known for defying unjust rules around love and connection, which is pretty queer behavior if you ask me.
The letters he supposedly wrote from prison. They read like love letters. And who’s to say they weren’t written to a man he loved? History has a way of straight-washing the past, but that doesn’t mean we can’t read between the lines.
Queer Love Has Always Existed, Even When History Tries to Erase It
Whether or not St. Valentine himself was part of the queer community, what’s undeniable is that love outside the “norm” has always existed. The Roman Empire, for all its brutality, was full of same-sex relationships and fluid expressions of gender. It wasn’t until later, when Christianity spread and started policing desire, that these relationships became “taboo.”
Even in the face of that erasure, queerness persisted. It thrived in coded love letters, in hidden gestures, in underground bars, in ballroom culture, in the way we have always found each other despite the odds. If anything, Valentine’s defiance like his commitment to love as an act of rebellion, is something deeply familiar to queer people.
Reclaiming Valentine’s Day
Instead of letting Valentine’s Day be just another holiday focused on one kind of love, let’s make it a celebration of all love whether it’s romantic, platonic, queer, straight, self-love, and everything in between.
Write Your Own Love Story: To a partner, a friend, yourself. Romantic or not, love
is a radical act, and it deserves to be spoken aloud.
Celebrate Queer Love in History: Read about historical queer relationships like
James Baldwin and Lucien Happersberger, Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville-West,
or the many gender-defying figures throughout time.
Create Traditions That Feel Right: Whether that’s having a queer movie night,
supporting queer artists and local businesses, or simply reminding yourself that
your love—whoever it’s for—is valid and worthy of celebration.
Love as Defiance, Love as Survival
If we’re going to celebrate a day about love, let’s make sure we’re honoring the kind of love that has always existed on the margins. Love that fought to exist. Queer love, like St. Valentine’s story, has always been about defying the rules, surviving against the odds, and intentionally choosing each other over and over again.
So, however you celebrate, whether it's a romantic date, a night with friends, or just a moment of gratitude for the love you’ve found, remember that love, in all its queer, messy, defiant forms, has always been worth fighting for.
By Alex Whitman, MA
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