If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “Am I asexual, or is my medication messing with my libido?”—you’re not alone. It’s a question that’s more complicated than you might think, tangled up in identity, body chemistry, and the ever-complicated ways we experience desire. And honestly? It’s a valid question. One that deserves curiosity, not shame.
Asexuality Isn’t a Side Effect
Let’s get one thing straight: asexuality is a sexual orientation, not a medical condition or a symptom. It’s about attraction, not just libido. Asexual people may or may not experience sexual desire, but what defines asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others—not whether or not you feel like initiating sex after a long day.
Medication and Desire: The Chemical Interference
Now, medication can absolutely play a role in your sexual desire and arousal. Some common medications that might impact libido include:
• Antidepressants (SSRIs, SNRIs)
• Mood stabilizers (like Lamotrigine or Lithium)
• Antipsychotics
• Hormonal birth control
These medications can cause lower libido, a lack of physical response, or just a general feeling of “meh” about sex. And while that doesn’t change your identity, it can make the question of why you’re feeling this way a little murky.
The Big Question: Is It Me, or Is It My Meds?
Here’s the truth: it might be one, it might be the other, and it might be both. Your sexual orientation and your libido are two different things, but they can overlap in how they show up in your life.
Some questions to help you explore:
• Have I felt sexual attraction before starting this medication?
• Do I feel bored with sex, or do I feel a deep sense of absence from it?
• Am I emotionally drawn to the idea of sexual connection, even if my body isn’t?
• How do I feel about sexual intimacy in general—has that changed?
You Don’t Have to Figure It Out Overnight
This isn’t a question you need to rush to answer. Sexuality is fluid, medications impact everyone differently, and you might need time (or some med adjustments) to really sort through your feelings.
Steps You Can Take Right Now:
1. Talk to Your Doctor: If you suspect medication might be the cause, advocate for yourself. Adjustments or alternatives might help.
2. Get Curious About Your Feelings: Journal, reflect, or talk with someone you trust.
3. Learn More About Asexuality: See if the experiences shared by asexual individuals resonate with you.
4. Normalize Uncertainty: You don’t have to have a neat answer. “I’m exploring” is a perfectly valid place to be.
Your Experience Is Yours, and It’s Valid
Whether you’re asexual, experiencing medication side effects, or somewhere in between, one thing is true: there’s nothing wrong with you. Desire (or the lack of it) doesn’t define your worth, your loveability, or your place in your relationship.
Take your time. Ask questions. Stay gentle with yourself.
And if you need someone to talk to, Zillennial Intimacy is here.
by Maddie Hundley, LMFT
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